The Emergency Divorce Blog For Women

Q. How do I ask for a divorce and make it stick? My husband won’t take no for an answer.

A. My husband also refused to move out. I had to request a protective order to force him to leave. He had been keeping the children awake each night, screaming at me. He even woke them up at times so he could tell them what a slut their mother was and how she was making Daddy leave (even though he refused to do so). This emotional trauma, along with many other things, was enough for the judge to grant an instant protective order. The police served him with it when he got home from work while we were hiding under a false name in a hotel. He had to leave by the next day or face arrest. And, he did leave. He knew the police were watching him.

Warning – if you do have your husband removed this way, you should consider returning to the house alone and picking up the children later (have someone watch them for you). My husband completely trashed our house. Drawers were emptied onto floors and more. It looked like we’d been robbed. It was awful and the site was very traumatic for the children. They still talk about it today, and that was five years ago.
Q. My husband has a mental illness. I feel guilty for wanting to leave, but I don’t think I have any other choice to protect my children from his unpredictable behavior and rage. What would you do?

A. For a long time, I considered my husband’s alcoholism a disease and pitied him. However, after years of living with the effects of that “disease”, I just couldn’t do it anymore. At that time, I asked myself if I’d leave him if he had cancer or another disease. I thought about it and determined that I would if: 1. he knew he was sick; 2. he then refused treatment and; 3.if his illness could harm the children physically or emotionally. You must do what you can to protect the young…the ones who can’t protect themselves. That’s why God made us mommies.

Q. I don’t have access to our money. He has kept me as a financial hostage.
A. Contact your local domestic violence hotline (get the number by calling 1-800-656-HOPE) and ask them for help in obtaining a restraining order that will prevent him from emptying your bank accounts. The judge will also order him to provide you with access to the joint funds. No judge will leave a woman destitute during a divorce when the husband is obviously hoarding money.

Q. Who is responsible for credit card bills?
A. You can specify in the divorce decree who is responsible for what. My ex and I agreed to each take responsibility for the credit cards in our respective names. Since the amount was about even on both, it was a fair agreement. However, you should also take into consideration the income level of each spouse. If your spouse brings in a larger percentage of income, he should be responsible for a larger percentage of the debt. The debt was acquired not only to provide for you or your spouse, but also to provide for your children.
Q. My friend is being abused but won’t let me help her. What can I do?
A. Some women are afraid to ask for help. Others leave, then return to the abuser, then leave again, and continue this pattern until they finally break free, or until the abuser kills them or gets help. Often, it appears these women have self-esteem issues. While your friend may beg you to keep her secrets, you must know that it is a crime to ignore a crime. If your friend is assaulted, you must report this to the police. Most states now allow charges to be filed against abusers without the consent of the victims.

Q. My son is so angry about the divorce that he won’t speak to me. What should I do?
A. Download the free version of the book and read the chapter titled “When Daddy Tells Lies About Mommy (and vice-versa).